Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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