Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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