mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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