craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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