I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize