Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
