her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
