How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
