If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
