yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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