didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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