no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
