I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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