she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
