He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
