Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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