dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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