a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
