I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
