farters have to be the big spoon...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
