Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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