We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
