my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
