conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
