Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize