Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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