She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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