my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
