pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know her cup size but not her name....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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