So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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