we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
