he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
