is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
where am i from again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
