Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
