I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
