I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
