just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm getting married
To pizza
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
