Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
