Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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