did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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