Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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