i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
