Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
