no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
