dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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