i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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