Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
