dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
