I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
