I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
