so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
