break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
