phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
