the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
