my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize