I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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