You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
