i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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