just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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