Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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