I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
