Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
