Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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