I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize