Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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