Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
