i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
