I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
