Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
