That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
