we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
